Who makes the money
Who brings home the cheddar—the dough, the bread, the money— in your relationship? Do you make more than he does or is it the other way around? And if so, is it an issue in your relationship? Who makes more money in your relationship ?
They say disputes over money can melt any good partnership, leading to inevitable break ups due to irreconcilable differences. And even if the finances in your relationship are balanced today, uncertain economic times and job loss can mean ruin tomorrow. Regardless, I tend to affirm that by quickly resolving money issues (whether you are just dating or in a long term relationship) couples can firm up stringy money tensions.
It’s not always easy dating someone that either makes more or less than you do. And our man-from-Mars ego often gets in the way of letting him pay. The financial ideal of any partnership is financial equality, a 50/50 arrangement; but sometimes relationships lean more toward a 60/40 or 70/30 (and in some cases an 80/20) split.
To help ease the stress of cheddar (money) equality, I’ve compiled this list of helpful tips that you and your boyfriend (or husband) can follow to bring you closer to an amiable financial arrangement. Here’s how to balance your finances as a couple:
1.) Break the tension; have the conservation !
So, you’ve gone out a couple of times and he agreed to pick up the tabs. His apartment is on a scale significantly higher than your pay grade can afford. He drives a lux auto (or maybe just a step above your own). Or, you may be the one in the baller seat, sort of speak, because he just lost his job. In either scenario, you’ve recognized that your finances aren’t exactly equal, but you adore each other and are willing to stick it out.
During the courtship phase of dating, unbalanced finances get little attention, but it may eventually become a concern as the relationship develops—especially if either one of you has your ego attached to your wallet.
Break the financial ice by bringing up income issues early. Well, maybe not on the first date, but eventually as the relationship advances to the next level. Be open and honest about your pay check and savings. Let him know what you can and can’t afford. There is no one right way to bring up the topic, so just go for it. Use a current bill (such as the restaurant tab) as the opportunity to start the conversation.
2.) Set egos aside; come to an agreement.
Some people like being the sugga daddy in the relationship, taking most of the financial burden; others like being taken care of. Life also happens, especially in shaky economies. People get laid off or lose other sources of income. Of course, most couple seek a 50/50 arrangement, but for whatever reason this is not always the case.
Even more, a 50/50 arrangement doesn’t always equate to splitting everything down the middle. If you live together, lay out all of your bills. If you’re just dating, map out how many dates you usually go on throughout the month. If you can’t afford to split the tab (or the bills) evenly, divide them up by importance or choose another barter situation. You may cover the mortgage, while he takes care of the cable and electric bill. You agree to buy the groceries, if he agrees to cook. He buys the new appliance if you help install it. Or, you agree that he pays for every two dates, while you pick up the third.
Whatever the arrangement, it’s important to set aside a few moments to talk through your financial situations and come to an amiable agreement that both and he (and your egos) can live with. This way you are both satisfied with your financial contributions to the relationship.
3.) Create a budget together.
If you find yourself Uhauling (or moving in together), create a household budget. Choose financial goals as a couple, while maintaining your personal goals. Lean on the partner that is the most financially savvy or the one with his finances most in order. Together, with a proper plan, you can relieve financial tensions and move on to achieving your goals—one of them being staying together.
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